We kept running into the same two girls. One was kind of cute, with full breasts and tight hind quarters but a bit of a roll over the gut. The other was of an unpleasant countenance hair from a Steven King novel and smelled of cigarettes. Rodney had something for the cute one. I figured it was $20 and I had little use for the other. Around 11:00 last night a band played down the street. On my seventh sojourn I was waved over and informed that my friend was inside. Sure enough there was Rodney holding court. The undesirable girl kept putting her had under my clothing and trying to shove her ashtray flavored tongue into my mouth.

Rodney has a way with women. One night he had his iphone stolen from his pants while he was engaged in unknown activities. The next night, while availing himself of a $10 service in an alley in Panama he had $10 extracted from his shorts which were down around his ankles. He was sure that this girl had succumbed to his charms. I was sure she wanted $20. After many sets he had to settle his bar tab, but he had kept no accounting and had no idea what the cost of drinks were. Even with all the cash I had on me he had to go back to the room to get more. The bartender was willing to take USD at 1,600 pesos per, a really bad exchange rate. The girls wanted to come back to the room but I figured all of my possessions would be gone upon awakening and nixed that idea.

When it was time to part company the toad wanted $20 for cab fare. That would get her from here to another state. I told Rodney he had yet another personal problem to solve and went back to the hotel. I wonder if he is really going to see his true love at 11 when he recovers from his stupor.

I have some laundry to do.

“Americano, this is my Amigo.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“She like to fucky fucky.”

“She’s not 18”.

Then the woman grabs my dick, “maybe she is”.

35,000 pesos, that’s what $20? No, that’s 10 years in jail.

The wifi was down at the Jungle in Panama City yesterday. Thought we’d just wing it. I get held up leaving the airport as I had been in Panama 93 days. It took about 1/2 hour to pay the 60 dollar fine. The flight was uneventful. I exchanged 100 dollars for 175,000 pesos not a great deal, parity rate would be about 195,0000 but I had just cashed out $500 from the ATM in Panama in preparation for a little more anal probing at migration.

The taxi fair to Casco Viejo was $8 so I gave the driver a tenner and got 5,000 pesos back. This was a bit simpler in Panama. First hostel we went to was full, the called another, a woman came down the street to “pick us up” we walked the two blocks to stay at San Roque. 3 Bedroom airconiditioned dorm is 20,000 pesos. Good internet access. I’m off to take some photos. It is really frigging hot here.

I was in Panama for about an hour and ran into Rodney.

Is every woman in Columbia stunningly beautiful? I am about to find out.

Flight leaves tomorrow. Wonder what my fine will be for staying here over 90 days.

Is there actually a cocaine plantation tour available in Cartagena?

I’m down to a small backpack. I need a new set of boots, maybe I’ll buy them in Bogata.

Wish me luck.

Why can’t google maps play nicely with google’s blog?

No that is not the end of the post body.

I was very disappointed in my real estate representative. He reneged on yet another commitment and then showed up at 11:00 for a 7:30 meeting. On my way in I ran into somebody else and discovered that he had been working on setting up a bar-b-q with somebody else. I had been discussing developing some land with him for three days and discussed the economics of smoking brisket and ham and he decided to do this with somebody else without discussing it with me. My 90 days are just about up so I thought I would just hit Columbia as I had advised him I would do a couple of weeks ago. The man has no sense of urgency or priority, I guess he has too many balls in the air. On the bus to Santiago I ran into a woman I met at the hostel last night and decided oh what the hell, why not see Santa Catalina before I blow out of here? Who knows when I’ll be back. The ride to Santiago was eventless, with a very short layover. We missed our bus in Sona by minutes. I took advantage of the layover to run around town, sweat and take a few pictures. My travelling companion, Irma a Manhattan corporate tax attorney spent the time on skype in the internet cafe, checking up on her ill sister. They wouldn’t let her install skype or use the wireless. I took out here laptop, disconnected the cat 5 cable, plugged into her lap top and said “Here you go. I’m from Detroit.”

Irma got off the bus at some place she booked on line. She thought it was in Santa Catalina, in fact it is about 10 miles out. I took the bus to the terminal and walked around town before deciding where I was going to stay.

In town I would guess that 80% of the people walk, 18% ride horses and 2% drive cars to get around town. I would also venture to guess that 98% of the people use the bus as their primary means of transportation to Santiago. The village of Guabal is a $4.00 ride in a chiva (covered pickup truck and 75% of people get a ride while the balance walks the 19km to save money. I have a hard time believing that it is only 14km from Guabal to Rio Luis.

I am made of flesh and bones. A horse reminded me of this yesterday.

Yesterday was the third day of surveying a 40 hectare land suitable, with some rehabilitation, for an organic farm. This morning I will be in discussions, not negotiations with a local prospective partner.

The quarter horse I was ride was pokey and reluctant to ascend or descend anything steep or rugged. As I was exerting more energy kicking this reluctant ride than I would hiking up and down the face of these hills I dismounted and lead the horse by the reins. After returning to the flat land at the base of the hill the owner of the horses suggested that I ride the grey gelding as it had more spirit. Several times Carlos took off at a reasonable pace and the grey quickly caught up.

On one occasion I lingered for a while, examining the topography, trying to figure out the best places to put in Tilapia ponds on the seasonal creeks. I moved the reins gently to the right, the reigns touched the left side of the horse’s neck, I gave a little nudge with my feet to the ribs, no need to kick, just to let him know that the time for standing was done. He took off a rapid trot and then broke into a full gallop up the hill. Eight strides later we crested and started down, I passed Carlos; it was time to stop. I pulled up hard on the reins. Too hard I guess the horse skidded to a stop. My momentum was carrying me and I grabbed the horn which proceeded to take the saddle with me in the only way possible, by torquing the chest of this big boy. I had no desire to injure this horse and even less desire to roll down the hill with the horse on top of me so I threw my left leg back over the horse and down onto the scrub and sand, tucked and rolled. No contusions, but I bruised up a couple of ribs pretty well. I walked the rest of the day.

I am just about to make my third trip in surveying a 40 hectare finca that I might turn into an organic farm. We will be conducting this one as the other two on horseback. Here is something for you to read while I am out.

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.. I turned to her and said,
“Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ”Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….

My wife suggested for my birthday I have a threesome.
I replied “Do I get to pick both girls?”
And then the fight started…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…

My wife was standing in front of the mirror one day and said, “I look old, fat and ugly; I feel horrible. I need you to pay me a compliment.”
So I said, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started…

My wife caught me cheating on her with our best friend.
But then she said it’s OK because it was only physical, and she was right. So we went to watch Rocky III on DVD.
And then the fight started…

My wife said, “I’m not happy with my breasts. I want larger ones. Maybe I should get surgery”.
I said, “You don’t need to spend all that money. You can make them larger just by rubbing them with bathroom tissue”.
“Bathroom tissue?!? What makes you think that would work??”
“Well, it’s been working on your ass for years”.
And then the fight started…

I was talking to this guy the other day and he said, “do you ever mean to say one thing, but it comes out all messed up? For instance, I was at the train station, when a very busty ticket agent came to the window. I meant to say, ‘I’d like two tickets to Pittsburgh,” but it came out as “I’d like two pickets to titsburgh.”
And I said, “Well, yes, funny you should mention that. Just this morning, I was having breakfast with my wife.
I meant to say, ‘Please pass the butter,’ but it came out as, ‘I hate you bitch, you ruined my entire life.'”

nationalmaverick 46 points 9 hours ago[-]
This is a joke from Frasier. “Niles: A funny thing happened the other day. One of my patients had a rather amusing
Freudian slip. He was having dinner with his wife and he meant to say “Pass the salt,” but instead he said
“You’ve ruined my life, you blood-sucking shrew.”

A man comes home from work and sits in his favorite chair. He asks his wife if she could “get me a beer before it starts”
and she complies. When he finishes his beer he asks his wife if she could get him another one before it starts. She seems confused but brings her husband a beer anyway.
The third time he asked, she was fed up. She said “before what starts? some stupid hockey game that you’re
going to sit and watch for how many hours? You think because you worked today you’re the only one
who has it tough and you get to just sit around when you get home? I’ll have you know I had a HELL of a day,
and maybe I would like to just sit down and drink some beers and watch something but NO I’m in the kitchen
cooking supper and getting you beer! So what is so god damn important that I need to get you beer before it starts?!?!?”
The husband replies “and it starts…”

My wife and I were having sex and it just didn’t seem to be working so good for either of us so I asked her
”What’s the matter honey can’t you think of anybody else either?” And then the fight started.

A man comes home from work a says “honey pack your bags I just won the lottery”
she say “great should I pack for warm or cold weather?” the man responds ” I don’t care as long as your out by 8:00″

Marriage is like a three ring circus. First you have the engagement ring. Then you get the wedding ring.
And lastly you have the suffering.
I thought this was a Groucho Marx quote but can’t find verification on the internets.

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..

My wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the tv?”
I replied “Dust”.
And that’s how the fight started…..

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And that’s how the fight started…..

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said,
‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a scale.
And that’s how the fight started…..

I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started….

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at
night than the cold cream.
And that’s when the fight started…..

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
’I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
’Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s when the fight started…..

I got fired from my job and had to explain to the wife that
‘I got caught with my dick in the restaurant pickle slicer.’
‘With your dick in the restaurant pickle slicer?’ she asked astonished.
‘Yes’ I replied, ‘She got fired too!”
And that’s when the fight started…..

Well…my mom always said there’s 3 kinds of married sex.
First , there’s kitchen table sex when you’re first married and you have sex everywhere including the kitchen table.
Second, there’s bedroom sex when you now have kids so you have to have it in the bedroom.
Third, there’s hallway sex where the kids are grown so you pass each other
in the hallway and say to each other, “Fuck You”.

I just returned from a week in deep jungle where I was living with the natives in Rio Luis followed by 3 days at the coast in a town where everyone is living well with no visible means of support. Based on the location you can guess that there are some fast boats moving cargo surreptiously. A huge blog entry is coming up. I will be preparing it offline today and tomorrow. Every town is virtually shut down for easter.