Inspection Results

House

• Guest bedroom lights inoperative
• Hot water heater doesn’t work, probably just needs a new battery
• Outdoor grill doesn’t work
• Water pressure is extremely low, pressure tank needs topping off
• Four locks don’t have keys.

Boat

• Engine trim doesn’t work, seems to be pivot shaft
• Covers on outboard lower unit missing screws.
• Lower unit has significant corrosion.
• Unable to locate sacrificial zinc.
• At least the engine oil level was correct and the oil pristine.
• Zirk fitting missing on tilt mechanism
• Tachometer powers on but doesn’t register RPM
• Great deal of water in the bilge that the bilge pump doesn’t remove.
• Stereo doesn’t work
• Boat lights don’t work
• GPS is missing
• Two radio microphone jack is hosed.
• The hull needs to be scrubbed and repainted, the bottom is covered with barnacles.
• The stern cleats need to be replaced, they are missing.
• Latch handles are missing on two hatches.
• One of the compartments has no drain hole and is filled with water.
• The bow compartment has a layer of water and scum and needs to be washed out.
• Mandated safety equipment including a fire extinguisher and a signalling device are absent.
• There is no anchor.
• Non approved gas tank.
• Fuel supply line missing tank connector.
• Throttle control is sticky.
• Heavy growth of algae and barnacles on hull.

We took the boat for a spin, the hydraulic steering worked well but the engine labored while pushing the boat slowly. The boat was riding deep and hardly slippery on the hull. Tomorrow I shall hopefully have it professionally, (to banana’s country specifications) surveyed.

Property Boundaries

• Unable to gain access to property markers as they are deep in jungle growth.
• Property marker 6/7 is not affixed.

Legal Documents

Documents Required

• Purchase Contract
• House Plans
• Certificate of Occupancy
• Articles of Incorporation
• Stock Shares
• Survey signed off by corregedor and neighboring properties
1. Original Share Certificate N°1 & 2 of the Corporations duly endorsed and
   Notarized.
2. Original Deeds containing Articles of Incorporation of the Corporations and any
   amendments thereto.
3. Original payment receipts of all annual Corporate Franchise Taxes of the
   Corporations.
4. Good Standing Certificate of the Corporations issued by the Ministry of Economy
   and Finance, stating that there are no outstanding taxes by the Corporation.
5. Original of the Public Deeds in which Corporations acquired rights of possession of properties.
6. Certification or Affidavit issued by the SHAREHOLDERS of the Corporations,
   stating that the Corporation has no debts, obligations or commitments with third
   parties or with the government of Panama, its entities or dependencies, duly
   notarized.
7. Passport copies from the SHAREHOLDERS of THE CORPORATION
8. Updated certificate from the local Police authorities regarding the Right of
   Possession property in the name of both Corporations.
9. Original Contract in which sellers buy the shares of the corporations holding these properties.
10. Original Surveys issued in the name of the corporations.
11. Original documentation and Resolution by
    which The Reforma Agraria Offices in Bocas del Toro transfers officially he right of
    possession property
12. Original of the Public Deed rights of possession property to seller
13. Original documentation and Resolution by which The
    Reforma Agraria Offices in Bocas del Toro registered the transfer right of possession
    property to corporation to be acquired to buyer.
14. Power of attorney issued to attorney to represent the
    promissory sellers in this transaction.
15. Sworn declarations Notarize from 3 witnesses from the community as evidence
    of possession for each corporation (total of 6 declarations)
16. Building permits issued from the Municipality of Bocas del Toro, Occupancy
    Permit, approved house plans, approved electric, sanitary and plumbing plans
17. Other documents that are relevant and in possession of the Seller.

Boat Title

• Survey documents have not been signed off by neighbors.
• All documents are not available for review.

Now that the former tenant is out of the equation blame falls solely on the shoulders of my real estate agent.

Composting System

The composting system plumbing was rerouted by Morgan and his assistant. This was the assistants first day on the job performing the worst task in the business emptying an ill maintained composting system over flowing with waste. Nearby, beneath the house Morgan’s two kids and his wife sat as he worked, the stench was over powering. I invited them up on the deck, but apparently they felt that was not their place.

Morgan showed me the routine maintenance. Every three days I need to add three scoops of wood shavings and turn a crank seven times. How is it that lizard pecker couldn’t put the handle back in the correct position and only used wet sawdust? This seems amazingly easy.

Internet Connection

The internet connection is pretty poor, a ping to San Jose, Costa Rica was 716 ms. Download speed was .048 mb/s while upload speed was but a fraction of that. The directional antenna is pointed to Bastimentos town, but a large tree is in the way. Hopefully there will be a tower right across the way at Red Frog Marina soon.

Guard

Mark, my real estate agent was staying at the house with his girlfriend until such time as the deal was closed. He is afraid that lizard pecker might come back to avail himself of some of the house possessions. Tomorrow is the deadline for the seller to produce all of the requisite documentation after which I can get my deposit back and pursue another deal.

Closing Activities

• Merge two corporations into one
• Sign off on contracts (do they have to be in Spanish?
• Pay Seller

Post Closing Activities

• Homeowner’s insurance
• Internet service bill changeover
• Get Sky TV contract

Another lock repair.

I walked by Carlos’ Steak House and Carlos mentioned that the lock on his refrigerator was broken. I had a set of screwdrivers I’ve been carrying around for a few days. Three minutes later it was fixed. I charged him a cold bottle of water.

Casa Verde

I dropped by Casa Verde, and was chastised for walking past the reception desk without some idle chatter with the staff. Once the duty was fulfilled I went out on the dock to compose an email but a DJ was playing music obscenely loudly while talking over the music, I had to get the hell out of here. A simple conversation was impossible.

Dinner

I grabbed a mate and we headed down to the Ripe Tide, a large old boat, for dinner of fish and chips. I tied up Hayu to a cleat on the dock. After dinner as I was heading out my mate said, “aren’t you going to take the dog?” Ayaaaaaaaaah!

Hayu is putting on some much needed weight and now barks at the door, rather than scratching on it to let me know he needs in.

I have a long way to go on his need incessant need for attention no amount of gentle correction will deter him from putting his paws on the table on which I am working to get attention. I’m afraid he is going to knock my computer to the floor someday.

He is a very tidy boy, he has never had an accident in the apartment. He crawls under the other houses to do his business, so cleaning up is a bit of a hassle.

The tenant of my house to be is supposed to vacate today at five. Tomorrow is inspection day. Monday the composting system is scheduled to be fixed. I am still waiting on some paperwork, surveys, sign offs.

After moving I will have to take the boat in to get the bottom painted. That should take about a week during which time I will be stranded if I can’t get some water taxis to come by.

I wonder what will be left in the house after the current tenant finishes his plundering.

Have to turn the internet billing over to my name and get sky TV installed and the bars on the outbuilding put in.

Irene seems serene.

Put dog food bowl on tray with water to keep out ants. Pour vegetable oil on water to stop mosquitoes from breeding.

Final (?) house inspection tomorrow.

Closing Monday?

My son needs extensive dental work. I sent an email to a dentist in David. This is part of her response

no he recibido las radiografias abajo de sus mensaje en pequeñas letras es confuso dice algo que no entiendo como si tu mensaje trae un virus.debes enviar las radiografias pra ayudarte en lo que me pides.
a tu orden por lo q me cuentas es joven asi que tienen bien pronostico el implante ponerlo en una cita si las condiciones de hueso es buena poner un provicional y en 3 a 6 meses la corona yo prefiero verlo en persona y darte las opciones ,y asi es muy dificil al fin de cuenta

Translated

down your message is confusing in small letters says something I do not understand as if your message

What’s not to get? My email signature is

This email and the files transmitted with it are the property of James J. Schmidt and is intended soley for use of individual or entity to whom this email is addressed. If you are not one of the named recipient(s) or otherwise have reason to believe that you have received this message in error, please notify the sender at xxxxxx@gmail.com, delete this message from your computer, destroy your computer immediately, forget all that you have seen, and turn yourself over to the proper authorities. Any other use, retention, observation, dissemination, consideration, recollection, forwarding, ridicule, printing, viewing, copy or memorization of this email without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited. The contents of this email are not to be taken literally. Void where prohibited by law or common sense. Not valid in Rhode Island, Guam and the Xinghua province in China. Condiments available upon request. Cash value = 1/20th of one cent. All rights reserved.

Hola, mi nombre es Hayu Ayaah, que pasó los primeros ocho meses de mi vida hasta encadenado en un astillero en Almirante. Ahora no sé lo que depara el futuro. Anoche dormí en una casa fría. Nunca he estado en una casa antes. Fue un poco de miedo la primera vez, pero me estoy acostumbrando a ella.

Me gusta Bocas, con un montón de mujeres guapas en bikini que a algunos a verme, pero si alguna perra pasa por, pierdo la atención rápidamente. Me encanta las perras. Ahora veo un montón de perros, no estoy seguro de que soy grande en los perros.

Esta mañana fuimos a un paseo en un barco a otra isla, caminando por la selva y por una playa. Entonces circulaba en un barco un poco más y volvió al restaurante que estábamos en la última noche, pero no había gente o los perros allí.

After several false starts we decided today was to be the to go to retrieve my chairs from Customs. One bud was in Almirante, the other headed to catch a nine o’clock boat to Almirante. I scurried out the door and managed to find a cab. Arriving in Almirante we called, Walter, who had previously arrived and checked the car out of the car lot. In short order we assembled and were off. A quick stop in Changinoula for breakfast and we resumed our trip to the frontier.

I walked into the customs office to see my chairs in boxes exactly where I had left them. This 300 square foot office held five desks, two filing cabinets an empty high priced enclosed computer rack and my two chairs in boxes. I presented my receipt which had been electronically sent to me from Matias in Fortuna. I was advised that everything over $100 had to clear customs.

“I have two chairs at $100 apiece, can’t I bring in one and he bring in the other?” “No, they are on the same receipt.” I muttered, “what happened to the good old days when a twenty could fix anything?” The office manager laughed out loud. I was advised that I would have to take my receipt back to Costa Rica to get it stamped. A customs guy eagerly volunteered to escort me. As we walked back across the bridge he advised me that he was looking forward to August 31, some Black Pride day parade in Limon, Costa Rica. He went in great detail about how great the parades were and the fact that he was going to build a float. A few minutes later we found ourselves in Costa Rica and he presented my receipt and requested an export stamp. During the bantering he told me “don’t give me any money here” after I asked him if he wanted me to get him some water when I went out to find some way to hydrate. After twenty minutes of discussion the receipt was stamped and we headed back. I handed him three dollars for his efforts and we were back on the Panama side. He also told me the duty free shop had anything I could want at substantial discount and that I could take as much of anything I wanted into Panama. Very strange, Duty Free, this shop was in Panama. He also told me that Panamanians couldn’t shop there.

I presented the stamped document, the office manager looked at it for several minutes and asked for my passport, both were handed to a clerk who started to enter information into a computer. Time passed. More time passed. An eternity passed. I was advised that the system was slow. I walked outside and took some pictures of prohibited items including machine guns, sub machine guns, grenades, rocket launchers and bazookas. These Panamanians just don’t know how to have a good time.

Duty Free

I suggested we kill some time shopping at the duty free. It had anything you could want, if you wanted giant truck tires, liquor, beer, the sole model of car radio they carried, an electric skillet or a pressure cooker. A pressure cooker! That was on my list of things to buy today. A paper sticker on top indicated the price as $40. I rotated the box up to see the front. A clerk came and put the box back in the original position. I rotated it up again and gave him a half kidding half WTF look. He left it. I took the box over to the cashier and paid the $40. Walter suggested that I take the pot out of the box, discard the plastic wrapper. The clerk advised I should throw away the receipt in case I got stopped by the cops. WTF?

Back inside it became obvious that the clerk was stumped. Back outside to ogle the eye candy migrating to and from Costa Rica. A tall blonde wore a skirt that could only have been applied with an airbrush. A hundred people where in the queue, attended to by a single bored government clerk who spoke no English, though most of the travellers spoke little or no Spanish.

After being approached by the overly helpful customs official for the fourth time my friend Walter told me, “Jim, I have a picture of him, leading the Bocas Independence Parade, in knee high leather boots, tight shorts and twirling a baton.” Ayaaah!

I went back inside to observe the clerk. She was on the phone. In front of here were five telephone numbers, four of them very similar and crossed out. She was obviously calling for assistance. For ninety minutes she has been trying to fill out a computer form for two chairs, ostensibly valued at $90 each. I watched her go through the motions twice, error messages popping in dialog boxes that were closed, random agitated cursor movements that accomplished nothing, mouse movements that caused the cursor to trace the words she was reading. Finally I could take it no longer. Observing a little more closely it was obvious that she was running a java applet, almost certainly oracle forms version 9 or greater. I asked her to try again, slowly. Finally I spotted that in one field she was typing ‘cr’ presumably for ‘Costa Rica’ and that this was not an acceptable value for the field. As the field was a pulldown list, I cleared her entry and clicked on the pulldown, displaying a list of descriptions and corresponding codes that made up the allowable values. I finally told her to select option 8 and she managed to complete the process. I was heralded as a genius. Christ, is this the only time anybody has actually declared an item in this office? Five people, five days a week for this?

Five copies of a bill for $47.40 on a declared value of a little less than $200. Seven percent of this was sales tax, the rest duty. I was handed a copy and told to pay at the bank and return. “At the bank? Is there a bank in this town? (In Spanish)” No, the bank is bank in Changiunola. Walter looked like he had just taken a big bite of a bile sandwich when I told him. I scurried out the door. Half way down the hill I was hailed having left my passport in my haste.

Bank

Off to Changiunola we found the HSBC. The guard wanted to inspect my backpack. I opened one of five zippers to reveal a pressure cooker. This elicited no surprise from the guard. Apparently large cooking appliances that could readily be employed as a very large pipe bomb type device are commonly carried into banks. He didn’t ask to look in any of the other compartments and as there were obviously several pounds of metal didn’t bother with the metal detecting wand. He did make me remove my hat before entering, which I put back on as soon as I passed through the doors.

There were two lines, one with about fifty old people and another with seventeen young to middle aged people. The elderly and pensionados are by law afforded expedited service. I calculated the average service time as about five minutes and figured I’d be in line for an hour and a half. Finally I got to the front, presented my document and payment and received a stamped document indicating the tax had been paid.

Guabito

I presented my form to the office manager. She had several more forms to give me. I told her I had no desire or need for all of these documents, I was merely going to throw them out. She advised me they would come in handy if the chairs were stolen. No, if the chairs are stolen, I’ll never see them again. A picture of the chairs might come in handy. Twenty minutes later five copies of another six pages were printed out, signed, stamped and distributed.

Jesus, Son of God. I took my chairs and we put them in the van.

Back to Changiunola

Hardware store, rope 5/8 braided nylon $1.50 a foot, welders, locks.

Left buying nothing.

Fence Material

Happening by a lot with a living fence, I availed myself of several branches, liberated with the aid of a machete that hadn’t ever had a close encounter with a competent hand bearing a file. Much hacking later I had a huge bunch of branches. When these branches are stuck in the ground, they will take root and sprout. As time passes the fences become stronger.
Off to Chinese, enormous quantities of food.

Boat Shopping

We passed a yard in which boats are restored. Stephen, who has as his mission the goal of owning every boat in Bocas not actually under power at the time wanted to add to his flotilla of inoperable boats. The prices requested exceeded anything Stephen felt he could acquire the boats for and sell at a profit. I received a quote for prepping and painting the boat I am to acquire with the new house. While Stephen roamed around like a kid in a candy store, I played with a puppy, chained up and sorely lacking attention. I inquired and was told he was not for sale. I then inquired if the owner of the bitch had any other puppies. The guy told told Walter with a laugh that I could have the dog for $100, knowing full well that no one would pay that much for a dog. WRONG! With a look of shock on his face he happily took the $100 and found a knife to cut loose the chain, bound by a heavy rope that secured the dog to its spot. The collar end of the chain was fitted with a chain coupler, bolted into place. Poor thing. I walked around with the dog as it evaluated its new found liberty with exuberance. Finally we reentered the car, now laden with sundry including seven five gallon buckets, a mass of tree limbs, two rocking chairs in large boxes,a backpack with a pressure cooker in it and a dog.

Bocas trip

A the water taxi our booty elicited some strange looks. The boat was loaded and we headed back home to be greeted by Flaco, a local loco, loaded up the caro rojo diablo, a rattling little claptrap continually on the verge of returning its constituent parts to mother earth, dropped by my apartment and unburdened a variety of objects while the dog stayed out front and urinated on my freshly bought dried pinto beans.

Casa Verde Dog

Time for a little socializing, my dog, as of yet unnamed sniffed around all the bitches, but bore little patients for the dogs. Cute little thing is a chick magnet.

I am not going to bother rereading this once. If it is a bit incoherent, at least I related something. I have much to do today.

Bocas Paradise

Nathan, the former head cook and Vincent, the bar manager both of Casa Verde have started a venture at Bocas Paradise.

The menu is going to change to lower priced fare, sandwiches will be offered for lunch and on weekends football games will be played on big screen TV’s. With a water front venue and plenty of room will this draw the locals from Casa Verde?

My real estate agent called me at 1:00 to tell me he would not be making my 9:30 meeting and said he would be in the office at 4:00.

I advised him that I was virtually certain that items were disappearing from the house and that I wanted to take inventory. He wanted to check with the house sitter. I don’t care if he is ready or not.

Then we talked about the boat. “Maybe Geoffery can bring it in this week and you can have it inspected then.” No maybes, I’ll take the boat when I go over to conduct an inventory per the purchase agreement. That kind of threw him for a loop. Now I have to see if I can get someone to survey the boat for me.

Speaking of survey the purchase contract describes the property as being bounded by three other properties, without any coordinates. No, I want latitude and longitude demarkations. “Well it says how big it is.” Bonehead, the neighbors aren’t party to the size, the only thing they need to agree to is where their property ends. It turns out Mark went out there with the corregador and the caretaker on one of the lots agreed verbally where he understands the lot he tends ends.

Really, I want a signed agreement with the neighbors that their land does not lie within the boundaries of the survey. “Yeah, you should have it surveyed again.” “I am not trying to get a definition of a bunch of points on land, I want the signed acknowledgement of my neighbors that they have no claims on this land.

“The land on the right is empty, there is nobody on it.” I don’t care, get a survey, found out who the owner is, do your job.

For fourteen thousand dollars a guy should be willing to do a modicum of work to facilitate a transaction. This is bananas country.

Boat

Now that I am aware of the complete and utter irresponsibility of Geoffrey, the occupant and ostensible house sitter of the property I am trying to purchase I felt it my responsibility to have the boat that comes with the house inspected.

Me

I guess it’s time to take the boat in for a survey and have the engine looked at. I’d like to do it tomorrow.

Please advise. Call me if you don’t hear back from me within half an hour.

Real Estate Agent

Been away from email and will be so until tomorrow morning. As for the boat inspected who would you like to do it? Maybe do it when Geoffrey comes to town one day? Just do remember that the sale is not contingent on the boat. It’s a freebie thrown in.

Me

Now I see the boat isn’t written into the purchase contract.

Real Estate Agent

Boat is owned in the name of the sellers not the corporation. I am of to Drago so I will be back online tomorrow or stop by the office after 9 30 tomorrow.

Me

Considering the boat as a freebie thrown in is about as justifiable as saying the house is a freebie thrown in with the property.

This was part of my offer to buy contract. I see that it has been omitted from all subsequent documentation.

This is unacceptable.

Security

I got together with a friend, we contacted Pepe, the welder and set about to measure the windows of the outbuilding for security bars. I boat was secured at the agreed rate of $20 round trip for the three of us. Not bad a similar duration trip to Red Frog would be about $5 a person.

Arriving at the house, the house sitter Geoffrey was on the dock. A large panga was alongside the dock and one of the most notorious crooks in Bocas was having a friendly conversation with the scheisskopf that is aggravating me.

“What is going on?” “I’m here to measure the windows.” “I’m in the middle of a lot of stuff.” “You are doing nothing, I’m trying to get ready to move in here while you are not working on getting out. I’ve cleared this with the owner.” “I don’t wan’t you going through the house.” “I am going to the outbuilding, I don’t need to go through the house.” “You have to go through the house to get to the outbuilding.” “I am walking around on the deck, Geoffrey.”

“There is stuff everywhere, we are in the middle of packing. The dog is sick, my wife is sick.” I ignored him and got out of the boat. Pepe was reluctant to follow but by the time I made it to the the far end of the dock, he got out of the boat and I coaxed him up the stairs.

The dog was running around on the deck yapping, certainly not looking ill. The wife was sitting at the kitchen counter, I didn’t try to evaluate her.

The window and door measurements were quickly taken and written down and we returned to Casa Verde. I dragged Stephen over to talk to Pepe. Stephen has needed welding done for months. His last quote was $2,000 to tack weld 20 I beams. Pepe doesn’t have a generator, but I’ll have a 20 amp 220 volt generator with closing. Geoffery’s estimate to weld was $90, no onsite inspection necessary.

A reader replies

you are buying a corporation…

the lot and the house are a freebie thrown in a corporation….

corporation sales purchases contract also list and describe the inventory of physical assets, accounting records, debts, liabilities, etc. in a corporation.

The owner will have to draft a sales contract to transfer the boat to you so you will be able to register the boat under your name or the corporation name. You only need the hull make, model, year and place of fabrication, and the engine information to draft a boat sales contract.

The charter captain.

There is always one guy I use as an example for everybody else. He’s the guy I chew out so that others know what not to do.

Enter a hostel at which you are not staying, fill up with five gallons of filtered water from the tap, chew out the staff and tell customers to get their laundry done elsewhere, then leave.

Talking to an employee

Who are you? You don’t know who I am, do you, young man? I have quite a good relationship with this place.

The dickhead doesn’t even know who works here. Please, just sod off.