Author Archives: txherper@gmail.com

The Religious

response to Facebook friend request

Between Niece’s Facebook Friend and You
me November 26 at 12:28pm
Do I know you?
Niece’s Facebook Friend November 26 at 1:11pm
opps sorry focused on the last name. mixed up on the first.
me November 26 at 1:14pm
no problem, I’ve friended you. Defriend if you want, I will take no offense. I’m Kat’s crazy uncle.
Niece’s Facebook Friend November 26 at 1:16pm
i was mixed up, thought at first you were kats dad chuck.
me November 26 at 1:25pm
It is a far better thing that you know me not.
When I read:

May those that love us love us, And for those that don’t love us,
May god turn their hearts,
And if he can’t turn their hearts May he turn their ankles.
So we will know them by their limping
.

it sent shivers down my spine. I am a very tolerant person. People can have crazy beliefs, but if you pray for my death or mutilation, then you are sociopathic and I don’t hang with sociopaths.
Niece’s Facebook Friend November 26 at 1:31pm
Fair enough, its just part of being Irish.
Niece’s Facebook Friend November 26 at 1:32pm
Not so much mutilation as a spranged ankle though.
Niece’s Facebook Friend November 26 at 1:33pm
Sprained

The Trash Box

One thing the Panamanians have down is they put their trash in metal boxes or grill fronted concrete enclosures. In Costa Rica the trash is put in wooden boxes with no top or an open front and animals come in and scatter the trash or take whole bags and tear them apart somewhere within a hundred meters.

The box in front of my apartment had deteriorated to the point that it need to be replaced.

Supplies

  • 1 4′ x 8′ sheet of expanded steel
  • 40′ or so of 1/2 tubular 8 gauge steel tubing.

Tools:

  • Hacksaw
  • Arc Welder DW402-B3 120V AC
  • Cutoff Grinder Dewalt DW402-B3 absent blade guard.

The goal

  • Create 1 2′ x 4′ replacement panel framed with two intermediate rails on 1′ centers.

My estimate?

  • One person
  • Measure and cut steel tubing 20 minutes.
  • Cut expanded steel 10 minutes.
  • welding, 10 – 20 minutes.

Five guys have been working on this since 10:00.

One works, four watch.

I was listening to the guy cutting expanded steel. Expanded steel looks like It is made buy punching slits in sheet steel and then pulling on the ends. After half an hour I had to go outside and see what the hell they were doing. Mr. Panama had the expanded steel 1/2″ off the ground on top of the cut steel tubing and was cutting the steel at the end points of the diamonds. As soon as I walked out of my apartment, the sound told me what was wrong.

A grinder emits a free spinning sound and a loaded sounded from the motor and a sound from the abrasives acting on the material being ground. A loaded sound and the fact that concrete dust was filling the air was my subtle clue that the bonehead with the tool was unqualified for the job.

Upon visual inspection… Yup sure enough the guy was cutting a 1/2 groove in the concrete while cutting the steel. I had them raise the whole frame onto cinder blocks and he finished the remaining 3/4’s of the work in two minutes and saved a cutoff wheel in the process. Those wheels are $5 – $6 in the US, so probably $10-15 down here, a days wages.

Jurassic Park

A walk in the jungle seemed like an appropriate activity on a warm partly overcast day. I couldn’t get any charters to Salt Creek so I thought I’d walk from Bastimentos Town to Red Frog. Janpan indicated they would take me and then dispatched a girl to go find the “Captain”. Ten minutes later the supervisor at Janpan was communicating with the girl who was two blocks away via hand signals in the street. I gave her a shrug and walked away.

There are a lot of water taxis here. A street hustler saw me walking toward the boat taxi area and asked me where I wanted to go. They get 10% for securing business so he just earned himself 30 cents, except for the fact that they had no other passengers to Bastimentos, so I would have to pay $5. Fine, I’ll pay $5. We were third in queue to get out of the docks, there were two other boats in our “lane” that had to leave first. Then we went 30 feet and the captain yelled out something in Spanish and two other passengers appeared, and elderly black woman and a middle aged eastern european looking man with two back packs. WTF? I thought there were no other passengers.

We arrived at the “Central Park” a dock in about the middle of town. I gave the pilot $3, he insisted on $5 and feigned any lack of comprehension that he under stood “dos hombres, uno damas, no solo”. Fuckstick, I gave him $5.

The short climb up the stairs found me in front of a galvanized metal front grocery store. I had no doubt it was run by a Chinese family. The only “road” in town is a two meter wide concrete sidewalk that parallels the shore. I turned right and headed toward Red Frog Beach. The inhabitants were all antillean blacks, not an Indian or mestizo in sight. This was clearly a lower class to lower middle class residential neighborhood. Colorful flowers were in abundance but I had the distinct impression that the were planted long ago and left to fend for themselves.

A little hotel had a dirt filled cayuga (dugout canoe) out front supported by two blocks near the ends. The middle was broken and rested on the ground. The flowers planted in the dirt disregarded the neglect and flourished.

Palm trees dotted the shores on the far side of the houses. The path veered and climbed off to the left, away from the bay and then up and to the right to a cemetery. Concrete above ground vaults half covered with tile formed the only burying style that I observed. I walked to the far end of the cemetery and observed a trail. Two seven or eight year old boys scurried about with no obvious destination. They informed me that I was indeed on the trail to Red Frog Beach and that they would show me the way for “ten dollah”.

Across the way was a fence that looked like an flaural cycle fence, woven from sticks like a course basket. The trail was muddy and trash of all sort was everywhere as though somewhen had brought up large bags of trash and dumped them. The trail was very narrow, less than a foot wide and at a minimum muddy. I stomped on the ground as I walked to scare away any of the ground dwelling vipers that frequent this part of the world and watched my hands to ensure I didn’t disturb their arboreal kin. Digging my heels in while descending slopes made this part of the walk akin to really bad skiing. This went on for a while and 25 minutes into my hike there was a manicured hill that had obviously been well grazed and the trail become level and very walkable and couple of meters wide.

I encountered the cayuga cemetery. A steel sided house on stilts had five or size cayugas that looked more akin to flower bedding material than maritime equipment. Fiddler crabs and hermit crabs scuttered about but there were no insects of any sort. At the 45 minute mark more swamps and bridges made of chain sawed sections of log on other logs stretched far into the distance and around a corner. I spent 20 minutes walking on the break wall as there was no shore.

An Indian came down the path. I asked him how much farther it was to Red Frog. Lots of gesturing and incomprehensible animated Spanish later I came to the realization that he was telling me it was on the other side of the island. This was not a revelation as I had been there and travelled like cattle in the their transport trucks over the island.

He indicate that he had an amigo who could transport me in his panga. Then he ran up the hill and was never seen again. I proceeded down the trail and one hour and twenty minutes into the trek encountered a house on stilts in the water with the land surrounded by barbed wire and a no trespassing sign. No way forward and a miserable trek back. A mestizo came out of the boat house “Necessito panga Bocas Town por vavor” I yelled out to him. He came out an I ascertained that he had determined that i needed a boat ride back to the main island. He indicated I should wait and 10 minutes later signalled me to come in. I don’t know what they were doing in the mean time, but there was a lot of commotion in the boat house. I took the ride back to the real estate company in Bocas.

I had mud up to my knees and my shirt was wet with sweat.

Not Building off the Grid

Stephen now reports that the Canuks feel that the 10 laborers (who work for $10/day) worked too hard for the last two days and that there will be an additional charge of $1,200.

That raises the question…

Two hundred dollars in labor gets a surcharge of $1,200 for extra effort?

So Stephen is cancelling the contract, which is null and void as it is written in English and no Panamanian court will touch it.

So, three days into a 35 day project it is stopped. This is BANANA COUNTRY.

Building off the Grid

I came back from breakfast to see Stephen in front of his house with a wood delivery, about 10 sheets of 3/4″ plywood ripped into 12″ strips. These were to be used as concrete forms for his house off the grid. I helped him carry them through his house and load them onto his panga. He was going to take the boat over to his property where the process of creating piers for his house began this week. Although I intended to go with him, he informed me that he was returning with 10 workers and their tools in the same boat so I declined.

Stephen also had about 3 yards of gravel and 3 yards of sand in front of his house. He paid $50 for the 3 yards of sand and $150 for the three yards of grave. How is sand so cheap? Sad to say, I think it was poached off this island, Isla Colon. He found four turtle eggs in the sand. So much for conservation.

Pablo, a local laborer shovelled gravel into plastic woven bags and loaded about 1,700 pounds of gravel onto Steven’s other panga, at the real estate office. Pablo came into the office as I was visiting Walter. We negotiated a day of tarpon fishing for $25 plus the gas. I said “when do you want to go?” Walter asked Pablo to show us his wallet, which proved to be empty. I guessed that tomorrow would be fine. Walter said, “but….. we are in BANANA COUNTRY.” We agreed that I would go with Pablo to Stephen’s at 1:00.

We headed out for lunch driving his little van the 300 yards to the restaurant. Walter loves touring in that thing. The shortest trip is via van with a side trip down every road in town at 5 miles and hour, waving to everybody and calling the girls over.

We stopped at some random location. “What the hell are we doing here?” “Pay attention, it is a little trick.” Then we walked between two houses and entered the restaurant through the back door and the kitchen. Walter said “Now we are family, not customers.” Sure, Walter, the obnoxious brothers.

We waited by the boat at the ferry landing. An old man came by and dropped his trousers to his knees and attempted to urinate while holding his machete. He dropped the machete about 3 times and picked it up. Then he started to shit on the beach and on his pants as he hadn’t squatted far enough all the while struggling with his machete. Twenty minutes later the ordeal was over and he waddled away.

At 2:00 it started to rain and we gave up and I came back and wrote this.

Telefoto

I called Telefoto in Panama, Jose dropped off the camera today.

Maguelo told me that he will email me on Wednesday with a a diagnosis.

We shall see. Most of the conversation was done via translate.google.com so…

…and It is Banana Country.

Banana Country is not meant to be disparaging, it is a term I learned from a local, describing the fact that in Banana Country things work differently than in… oh hell, first world countries.

Juan Salazar-Bogdanovich

Juan Salazar, aka Juan Salazar-Bogdanovich aka “Wharf Rat” turned out to be a thieving little street hustler.

The money he borrowed from me “overnight” has not been returned a week later.

Mike reports that Juan is staying at Casa Verde for free and steals other peoples food from the refrigerator at the hostel.

He is known around Bocas Town as the “Wharf Rat”.

As far as nature tours go, he coudn’t spot a bird that wasn’t in a cage and if you point it out he doesn’t know what kind it is.

Lock up your shit and buy your Panamanian tours elsewhere.

Update

As 11/24 he repaid his loan, two weeks late, and I returned the possessions of his that I confiscated as collateral.

Jose

I called Jose, he hadn’t replied to a half a dozen emails over the course of 3 days.

He told me that he had picked up the camera and delivered to Telefoto in Panama City.

Reply to your email, Mr. Banana Man

I called Jose. He told me he picked up the camera and delivered it to Telefoto in Panama City.

Ummm, Jose, Could you just have replied to one of my half dozen emails?

Telefoto doesn’t respond to emails either.

I need a gun permit. Where’s Juan? He needs a machete up his ass.

It’s different in banana country

Examples:

Septic Tanks

A ditch digger, working a pick axe takes off his shoes while standing on sharp volcanic rock. The feet will heal, the shoes have to be repaired.

Camera Repair

The people who run the pharmacy that nominally open at 8:30 show up at 8:45 then putz around inside for 15 minutes while people are waiting at the front door.

MailBoxes etc. doesn’t carry boxes, or packing materials or tape, But they want $45 USD to send a letter to the US.

A taxi ride to the airport is $.50. They deliver the package for $4.00 in 1 1/2 hours to Panama City, 240 miles from here.

Cost to estimate repair cost is $36.50, in the U.S. it is $200. Stated time to make such an estimate? Here 3-5 days in the U.S. 4 to 6 weeks.

Recipient never picks up the camera.

I shipped it to hell.

Boat Move

Three guys move a 2,000 pound boat up a hill by rolling it on 50 mm iron pipes. (Where’s my camera?)

Units of Measure

The currency is USD. Meat is sold by the pound. Plumbing diameters are in millimeters.